Ok, I have to know the whole story...l what happened?

I lub ya sis

--
Taking one's chances is like taking a bath. Sometimes you end up comfortable and warm, and sometimes there's something terrible lurking around that you can't see until it's too late and you can do nothing but scream and cling to a plastic duck

Oh it's so crazy omplicated it makes me sick to keep thinking about it. Bobby and I ended things three weeks ago. He said things like ""I feel like I need to focus on my mission" and "I don't want to hold you back" and "Part of me wishes I was already back" and "Part of me wants to be stuborn and selfish but I just feel that the Lord wants me to have my priorities in the right place" and so on. Well even though breaking up hurt like none other (I was a wreck for two days and a sad depressed female for about a week) I started seeing some home when our relationship contiuned to be friendly and we were still maintaing a degree of closeness. I felt that he meant it when he said "I still want to be a really close and special person in your life, and in two years...who knows."

That was until he went to Utah this past week and a half to visit friends and family. In about three days of being gone he hooked up with his best-friend Kandis. That hurt, but I'm taking it better than I thought. He never told me he was going out with her, I figured that out through facebook. So needless to say, at his farewell things were strained between the two of us. Now I realize I will write to him and try to show him that I do forgive him (and it will be easier every day), and that I still want to be friends. Now I'm worried about him being able to focus on his mission if he has a girl back at home that he's in love with and is hoping will wait for him. I just don't think it was a very smart move, and I feel like he's being so hypocritical. I just hope and pray that he does what the Lord wants him to do. I know that the Lord was telling him that he needed to focus on his mission, and deep down in my heart I do believe that he meant what he said to me. I just think that this is a problem he deals with. I have no idea how this is all going to turn out. I don't know if she will end up waiting for him. I don't know if he and I will ever be able to really be friends and have a realationship again. I just don't know. I'm trying to leave it in the Lord's hands. I'm trying to give my pain to the Savior and trust in him. But it's so hard to be alone when you know what it's like not to be alone. It is so hard to have your heart broken by the man you love, and it's so hard to see him with someone else. And the hardest part about it is, despite my anger, I still care about him. I know I'm such a fool. Hopefully, with the Savior's help, I'll be able to take the part of me that stills holds on to the smallest glimmer of hope and lock it away and no longer think about it.

It's been a few of the hardest weeks of my life. He's such and amazing guy. STUPID and right now BEYOND unsensitve, but still...amazing. I'm sure one day I'll look back on all of this and smile. I'm know that one day I will be healed and that one day I will stop thinking about him. I'm doing a lot better than I was, but I'm still not completly whole again.

Anyway. When I wrote that is when I found out about his new gf, so of course I was po'd. I'm doing better now, and I'm trying to be happy for him. He got set apart last night and he reports to the MTC on Wed.

So that's the story...
Pathetic isn't it?
Love ya

It is rather heart felt and depressing, but it really sounds like the story of my life...only... turned around and slightly different. i guess not.

I really miss you summaz, and I wish that we were still together. You helped me through all of the most awkward times in my life that I only wish that I could be there to help with yours. I know that there's really nothing that I can do, but if you think of anything that woul dmade you feel slightly better, just give me a call!!!!

p.s. I got the acceptance letter to BYUI... sorry to mix happy with sad/frustrating...

--
Taking one's chances is like taking a bath. Sometimes you end up comfortable and warm, and sometimes there's something terrible lurking around that you can't see until it's too late and you can do nothing but scream and cling to a plastic duck

Check your messages, I sent you a longer response than I wanted to post. <3

Wow, your story has the ring of familiarity to it. If you were to read my journal, and my wife's, you'd find that we went through a lot of stuff that sounds similar to you and Bobby.

We met as freshmen, dated the whole year, then broke up when I moved back in with my family to prepare for my mission. While I was waiting for my call, I met another girl and started dating her, and that, along with the fact that I didn't call / write to Sarah very often anymore, hurt her deeply, and I still regret doing that to her.

But she forgave me. She wrote to me while I was on my mission. We still loved each other, but neither knew what would happen in two years. She didn't distract me while I was out; on the contrary, her letters were like the brief moments where the sun peeks out from behind a cloud on a gray day, and the beams of sunlight penetrate through your soul and warm you from top to bottom. Trust me, it was a good thing.

She ended up going on a mission just before I left, and even when she got home, there was still much trauma between us. I don't think you get a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex without trauma. But it's been about six weeks now from when we were married.

Keep your chin up. I hate to say it, but you've got a long road ahead of you. There is hope, though. Never give up your hopes and dreams. If you don't know where the end of the road is, just do your best, and try to enjoy the journey, take the time to gaze out over the scenic viewpoints, etc. Don't forget -- when you do get to your destination, you'll agree with me in that whatever you paid to get there was worth it.

Good luck!

--
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." -Erica Jong

Oh my goodness...you have no idea...oh my word...you've seriously brought tears to my eyes...

This has been the hardest month of my life, and what adds tremendously to the pain of it all is that I'm having this huge battle between my heart and my mind. My mind is saying forget about it all, move on and never think about it again, but my heart won't let go. It keeps holding on to a hope that probably doesn't even exist. It keeps reminding me that there were moments where I looked into his eyes and knew how he felt about me. But now it all seems like a lie. My heart is in love with a man that probably doesn’t love me. It hurts so bad, but all anyone tells me is to move on, and so I've been trying...oh I've been trying.

Your story between you and Sarah is so touching. It's like a fantasy...a 'happily ever-after' kind of tale. Reading it was like letting a ray of hope shine into my heart again, and what's so wonderful about that ray, is that it's the first one that hasn't made me hurt as well. I don't know how my story is going to end. My heart yearns that it will end similar to yours, but I realize it's all in the Lord's hands. (But it's so hard sometimes to walk blindly by faith). I realize, despite all of the heart-ache that I've been through, I still love Bobby, and I forgive him... Yesterday I had someone ask me if I would ever I guess 'give him a second chance', and I realize, that I would...call me crazy, but with all my heart I would.

I do plan on writing to Bobby. Not very often, once every few weeks or so, but I will write. I want to be there for him, encouraging him and supporting him. I knew we were supposed to meet, I know that's one of the reasons his mission was unexpectedly pushed back two months, and I thought I knew why. Now I'm not so sure, but in a blessing given to me a couple Sundays ago, I was promised that one day I would know why. I'm holding on to that. I'm trying to trust that the Lord has been in control of all of this. I want His will to be my will, and I truly want what he sees in my life. So I plan to march on in life, I plan to love every moment and learn all that I can. If in two years Bobby's and my path cross again, than I will embrace it with open arms. If not...well I'm trying to trust that it will be alright.

I wish I could thank you personally by name. You have been an answer to a prayer my soul has been pleading. I hope my 'happily ever-after' ends as beautifully as yours. I know the road ahead of me will not be easy. But I hope I can bear it well and come through with shining colors. If Bobby and I do end up together again one day, I plan on showing him your message. I would want him to see the message that gave me a ray of light during a dark night. I truly thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I hope the Lord will continue to bless you and your sweetheart. I would love to hear from her and talk to her, I realize that most likely won't happen, but do give her my regards.

Isn't it interesting that something like DA could be a source of solace for me? Who would have ever thought that I would meet a stranger that would give me the strength I was looking for. Well I don't feel like you're a 'stranger' anymore.

Again, thank you.

Oh and I hope my journal didn't offend you! (I was in a horrible mood).

I found out your name.

Thank you Kyle.

Hi Pyre-Bayou, I'm Sarah.

My heart aches for you... I know how you feel. There was a point when Kyle and I broke up and I thought that I would never see him or talk to him again, and it just... broke me. Strangely enough, now I'm very grateful for that time. It really forced me to turn to the Lord, because there was nowhere else to go anymore. But even more than that, I think it was that time that really made me realize that I didn't want to lose Kyle again. Every moment with him is more precious to me, because of every moment I spent without him. We had a long and pretty painful courtship, which is kinda funny for such an "ever after" kind of ending. But I find that is how life tends to be, never as storybook as we think it is/should be.

If it's better for you to not marry Bobby in 2 years, then while he is gone you will begin to feel it. I know you don't know me, but I'm proud for how you want to follow what the Lord wants you to do. If you keep that goal first, you will be fine. After all, that's the reason I ended up going on a mission instead of being here when Kyle got home. It's turned out to be a more important experience than I ever thought it could be, and I see now that Heavenly Father had a far different goal for me than I had for me (and knew better!)

I hope you don't mind me throwing in my two cents. dA helped me alot in the past too.

~Sarah

(ps- once a month/6weeks is a good amount of time for letters)

--
"I've knocked my inner dork askew...
and now I'm using tape to fix it!"

Heh. I guess I didn't mention that Sarah's the only reason I joined dA in the first place?

I'm glad I was able to help out... You seemed like you could use a little encouragement, and your story sounded so uncannily similar to my own that I couldn't let the opportunity pass to let you know that we've been where you are, and that there's still hope.

You say you'd give Bobby a second chance. Well, I don't call you crazy, cuz Sarah had to give me like, ... 5.

And don't worry -- you'd have to try a lot harder than that to offend me. I know what rants are like.

--
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." -Erica Jong